Searching for the back side of the Moebius strip

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/02/i-saw-my-coworkers-pregnancy-announcement-on-tiktok-expecting-candidates-to-relocate-in-a-week-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=36386

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I saw my coworker’s pregnancy announcement on TikTok

I was just scrolling TikTok, and a video from “someone you may know” popped up. It is a coworker of mine, whose number is in my phone because we sit near each other and sometimes need to coordinate watering plants and such. It turns out she’s a somewhat well-known content creator in a pretty wholesome and innocuous genre. The video I landed on was especially well liked, because she used it to announce her pregnancy.

I’m very happy for her and would like to congratulate her! However, I don’t know if she would think it’s weird that I watched her video. I’m a man who she knows a little bit through work, and I’m aware that this might not be a topic she would want to discuss with me. Do you think I can say something, or should I wait until she brings it up?

Wait for her to bring it up. It’s true that by putting in on social media, she’s giving up the ability to control who knows — and maybe she wouldn’t care at all that you saw the announcement and are bringing it up at work — but it’s better to err on the side of discretion when it comes to colleagues (and also when it comes to pregnancy).

Related:
our coworker is obviously pregnant but hasn’t told us and we want to be cool

2. Should you still try to get a bonus when your boss knows you’re leaving?

Many years ago, my husband worked as the only IT person for a small business (~75 people). He managed servers, desktops, and IT purchases/implementations. During the great recession, the company also farmed him out to another company, about the same size and in the same field. They bumped his salary a bit but essentially doubled his workload and he had to clean up a huge mess left by that company’s former IT person He was already working close to 60 hours a week and this was going to add more time and stress.

A position in my company (different division) opened and the hiring manager, who knew husband through me, wanted to hire him.

My husband was coming up to his 10th anniversary at his company and was due to get a large bonus. My company’s hiring process takes a long time, so we were certain he would get his bonus before he had to put in his notice. He felt a little uncomfortable about doing this because he loved his company, but he was burning out fast and needed to move on.

Coincidentally, his big boss was friendly with my big boss. Their wives were best friends, so they frequently saw each other. My big boss was old school and really hated the idea of people “poaching” employees. He did what he thought was the right thing to do for his relationship with my husband’s boss and called before the hiring process was complete to let him know they were considering hiring my husband.

The bonus never happened, and here is where I think we messed up. My husband didn’t pursue it because in his mind, it was a bonus for loyalty and, since he was leaving, he was no longer loyal. My husband actually had to continue to work part-time for old company to help them transition to another IT solution while working at my company. My big boss arranged it. He didn’t have to work extra hours; he was permitted to help them during regular work hours, so it was on my company’s dime.

I encouraged my husband not to pursue the bonus, even though it would have been close to $10,000. He agreed because he felt guilty for leaving them. Were we absolute fools? It doesn’t matter now, of course. But I have always wondered.

First and foremost, your boss was out of line. If he felt he couldn’t in good conscience hire your husband without letting his current boss know, he should have told your husband that and let him decide if he wanted to remain in consideration or not. In some companies, what he did could have gotten your husband fired.

But as for the bonus, it’s pretty common for people to lose their eligibility for bonuses once it’s known that they’re leaving (unless the bonus is contractually required, which doesn’t sound like the case here). Bonuses are usually a retention strategy, so when someone is known to be in the process of leaving, the company no longer has an incentive to offer them. That said, in this case, your husband was going to continue to work part-time for them, which gave him some leverage — and yes, that arrangement was made on his behalf by his new boss (!) but it still gave him some leverage that in theory he could have tried to use. It might not have gone anywhere, but it wouldn’t have been outrageous to try.

3. Expecting candidates to relocate and start work in less than a week

I work in higher education, so it’s not unusual to have to fly to another state to interview and then move several hours away if you get the job. While I was living in Texas, I interviewed for a job in Georgia. At the time I applied, they listed their estimated start date being June 1. However, as with all higher ed job searches, things took time, so I didn’t visit the campus for my final interview until the week before Memorial Day weekend. I was the first candidate to come for their on-campus interview, and I knew the other interview dates offered were for the following week.

In my end-of-day wrap-up meeting with the director, I asked if there was an updated timeline given how close we were to June 1. The director looked me straight in the face and said that June 1 was still the expected start date, and that anyone who wanted this job would make it work. He explained that when he was hired for his current job, he packed a bag and moved into a dorm room temporarily while his wife stayed home with their child to pack up and sell their home. I politely mentioned how nice it was to have a support system like that to help with the move, but not everyone has one. He then reaffirmed that his expectation was a June 1 start date, and I quickly moved on to another topic.

Was I wrong to feel that this was completely unrealistic? To me, this was a huge red flag about unrealistic expectations, and as soon as I received my flight reimbursement check, I withdrew my application. I also know that he had to repost the position by mid-June and start his search all over again. My colleague pointed out that, knowing how slow higher education moves, I shouldn’t have said anything because a June 1 date was never going to happen, and I should have waited until an offer was made to negotiate a start date that worked for me.

Yes, that’s ridiculous. Memorial Day is, at most, eight days away from June 1. Some years it’s two days from June 1. Expecting people to interview, get an offer, consider it, accept it, move, and be ready to begin work in less than a week is absurd — in all cases, but especially in a situation where the employer could have moved faster but was already dragging their feet.

4. Job applicants don’t follow up with their driving records

I work at a small business that makes deliveries. For the most part, I have good employees but unfortunately this job does not pay well so I do have some turnover. Most of the employees who leave are my drivers, usually due to relocation or a better paying job.

Before I can hire a driver, they have to be added to our insurance so they can drive the company van and for that I have to have a copy of their license and driving record (either a hard copy or a screenshot). In my state, that is something they have to pay for, and I’m afraid that is scaring away applicants. I often give them the application and they fill it out on the spot but won’t stop back in with their driving record. What can I do to try and get more applicants to follow through?

It’s understandable that people don’t want to pay to get a copy of their driving record before they’ve been offered the job or at least gone through some initial screening — particularly when they can apply for other jobs that don’t require them to shell out cash up-front. Can you move that part of the process to the end, make the offer contingent on a good driving record, and let them know you’ll reimburse the cost of obtaining it?

5. My job made me take an unpaid break at the very end of my shift

I recently took a short-term part-time retail job to make a little extra money. This is my first retail job since college, which was the late ‘90s. At this gig, we’re scheduled for 6.5 hour shifts, during which we get a 15-minute paid break and a 30-minute unpaid break. We have a designated “breaker” who takes over our station so we can step away.

During a shift this weekend, the breaker came for my 15-minute break, but never showed up for the 30-minute break.
When I finally saw the supervisor at closing time, I asked her about the missing breaker — I figured something went amiss. It turned out the breaker told the supervisor she had given everyone their breaks and went home for the day. But she skipped my 30-minute.

To my surprise, I was told I had to take my 30-minute unpaid break immediately — even though we were literally in the final 31 minutes of my shift. I was taken aback, so I offered two alternatives that seemed pretty reasonable to me: (1) I could to stay and help with closing procedures since I wasn’t anywhere near the overtime danger zone or (2) I could call it a day and leave.

I kid you not. I was required to sit in a chair for my unpaid break while everyone washed dishes and did closing procedures. Then I would be allowed to punch out. So I was stuck taking a break that served zero purpose other than to inconvenience me. Am I out of touch with retail norms? Would it have been so unreasonable to let me leave and adjust my time card later?

Nope, they broke the law. On unpaid breaks, you must be able to do what you want with that time; being required to sit in a chair doing nothing doesn’t qualify. (In most states they can require you to remain on the premises — although not in all — but in no state I’m aware of would “sit in this chair and don’t move for half an hour” meet the legal requirements for an unpaid break.)

Also, many state laws require that breaks happen a certain number of hours after the start of a shift and before its final hours, not at the very end. You can google the name of your state and “break laws” to see if yours is one of them.

The post I saw my coworker’s pregnancy announcement on TikTok, expecting candidates to relocate in a week, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/02/i-saw-my-coworkers-pregnancy-announcement-on-tiktok-expecting-candidates-to-relocate-in-a-week-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=36386