A bit of excitement in my Friday evening

[draconis]

A good friend and former student of mine is leaving next week to go to law school in Oklahoma, so tonight he and I got together for dinner, coffee, conversation, etc.

We started off at the local burger joint, had a nice meal and were sitting around talking. I noticed they were starting to fill up, so I suggested that we head for the cofee shop up the street and let the restaurant have their table back.

So we sat around the coffee shop talking. After a while, his sort-of-girlfriend showed up for a few minutes to say hi, then she headed on home. He and I kept talking until the coffee shop closes at 11:00.

We headed out into the parking lot, walked over to our cars... and kept talking some more.

Around midnight, a car pulled in to the parking lot and an obviously intoxicated young man and young woman got out of it, arguing loudly. My friend and I were both concerned about the tone of the argument, so we start walking over that way... but we stayed back, not wanting to intrude unless absolutely necessary.

Then the guy kicked the girl, at which point it became absolutely necessary.

Those of you who know me have a pretty fair idea of what my voice can sound like when I decide that I want to be heard, and especially when I bellow at top volume, "That's enough!" Imagine my surprise when they showed no indication that they'd even heard me!

So I'm walking over to them, and another young lady has gotten out of her car and is headed that way as well. My friend has stopped about 50 ft back, and advised her to do the same. She asks why he thinks I won't need help, and he just smiles and says, "Trust me, we'd only be in the way."

I reach the couple (who've gone back to arguing, but so far no more physical violence) and start talking to them: asking her if she's okay, if she needs any help, etc.

Why is it that in situations like this, the guy tries to answer for her, and expects me to accept his answer?

Meanwhile, once I've provided a distraction for him, she backs quickly away and puts some distance between herself and this guy, who is starting to get a little belligerent with me. I'm doing my best to calm him down, making placating hand gestures the entire time, etc... and eventually he does calm down. I ask him whether it's his car or hers (it's hers), then I offer to call him a cab or to call someone to come give him a ride. After several minutes, interspersed with periodic shouting at her, he starts walking off down the sidewalk.

About the time I'm getting to the (much less intoxicated) young lady, my friend and the other girl come up, and the girls start talking. The new arrival is doing a good job of calming the other girl down, so I back off and leave them to it. The girl gets in her car and drives down the street, and we see her pull into a parking lot and start arguing with her boyfriend again. We watch, they argue, she gets back in the car and drives off, and he starts walking again.

At this point my friend turns to me and starts laughing his ass off, and it turns into a perfect example of how different people see the same thing differently.

The young lady saw me talking to the drunk guy, trying to calm him down, and was afraid that I had let him get too close because he might take a swing at me. My friend saw me standing there in a balanced and ready stance, using the placating gestures to give me an excuse to have my hands in perfect position to either attack or defend as needed, without raising any suspicion. He found it hilariously funny that this drunk had no idea that I had basically placed him right where I wanted him, and that even if he'd been inclined to start something physical with me, I was in position to shut him down before he even got started.

My friend told me that he was glad it hadn't escalated, but admitted that a part of him had been curious to see some of the things I'd taught him get put to use. He was even lamenting the lack of a bookie, to give him odds on which approach I would take with the guy. ::G::

For me, I'm sorry that the incident happened at all, but I'm glad that I was able to break it up before he got more physical with her, and even more glad that I was able to de-escalate things. And yeah, I was amused at how clueless the guy was to what I was doing, too... amused, but grateful!

Comments

[devohoneybee.livejournal.com]

glad you were there, too, to help things de-escalate, but boggled (no, not really, sadly) that after all that she pulled into a parking lot to argue with him some MORE, this time out of your reach. though having someone come to see if she was okay might help things shift for her -- it's a clear message that things are NOT okay.

(hands icon in honor of your versatile hands *s*)

[jcbdragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

And I hope so, too, especially in light of some of the things he had been shouting at her while I was there. At one point, she looked back at him and said, "If that's what you really think, then just go ahead and walk home," and I had hopes that things would end there. They didn't, but at least it seemed a good sign.

[irishkate.livejournal.com]

I'm just pleased to know there are people like you in the world - and your friend and the young lady who stopped to help.

I'm glad I have people like you in my world, people I call friend.

[jcbdragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my friend.

I just wish I knew why people keep doing stupid crap like that right in front of me! LOL

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

It is lovely to know that there are people out there like yourself... particularly knowing your level of mastery. *G*

[jcbdragon.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

As my friend pointed out, I did "break one of the rules" by involving myself in a fight that wasn't mine, especially in light of how badly a "domestic violence" situation can go -- you're almost as likely to get attacked by the person you're trying to help -- but I can't bring myself to stand by and watch a man assault a woman who is clearly trying to get away from him.

I'm aware that there are risks involved in doing such things, but I don't think I'd like myself very much if I just stood by and let it happen.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

Yes, but having been a woman in that situation, if anyone had interfered, I would have been embarrassed, and it would have awakened me to what was really going on.

I think it would have helped me get out of my situation a lot earlier.

[jcbdragon.livejournal.com]

Causing her embarrassment was certainly never my intent. By the same token, one of the things I tell my students when I'm trying to get them to walk away from fights whenever they can, is that a bruised ego heals much faster than bruised ribs.

I'm sorry that you didn't get out of your situation sooner, but I'm very glad that you're out of it now.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

I think it would have been a good thing had you embarrassed her-- perhaps she would have thought about why. But yes, a bruised ego does heal faster than bruised ribs-- and you can breathe much easier, too. *G*

And I am, too. Being where I am now is a much better place. :D

[jcbdragon.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is -- and I'm glad you're there! 8-)

[laure-nar.livejournal.com]

I'm glad things worked out well.. but I, like your friend, would have been trying to contain my laughter at you having that jerk exactally where you want him.

[jcbdragon.livejournal.com]

LOL Thanks!

I suspect he was probably a decent enough fellow when he wasn't drunk and convinced that his girlfriend had been cheating on him... but that didn't make him any less obnoxious at the time!